Christmas

Hello, all.

Sorry about the extended silence! I was buried under papers and exams for a few weeks there, but I've been free for about a week now and I'm LOVING it! One more week until grad school!

I was incredibly blessed by those who came to celebrate my graduation with me last Saturday. I was extremely humbled and grateful for those who came, and for their generosity! I felt so loved! Thank you all for showing me how God cares for even the smallest details in my life, and for reminding me of the many blessings He's given me in you all. :)

Well, friends, as you all know...tonight is Christmas Eve. I love Christmas, it's my favorite time of year. It's always over too quickly though. I wish we still celebrated it over twelve days, like they used to. In any case, it will be nice to spend some time with my family. My grandparents (from both sides) are here, so that's really nice. We plan on eating (Mom made me special sugar cookies that I can have!), going to church, then opening presents tonight. It's unusual, but we're usually all alone out here, and there was never a reason to wait until Christmas morning to open presents. I guess a lot of people do that because they go to their grandparents house for Christmas Day, but that would be a 6 hour flight for us! Some people might find that lonely, but we've always enjoyed ourselves. It's nice having quiet, family Christmases. But it'll be nice having our grandparents with us too. We have Spanish/Puerto Rican food from Mom's side of the family, and Italian food from my Dad's side, made by Papa, who came over on the boat from Italy in 1921 (so it's the good stuff!). It's not food I can have, but it's nice that everyone else can enjoy it! On Christmas Day we usually open our stockings, have breakfast, and go see a movie. This year we'll do something along those lines, but we're also Skyping our cousin Rosanna in Verona, Italy. She doesn't speak English, so Papa will have to translate. We'll see how it goes...it's nice being connected to our family over there. :)

So those are our plans. I feel an extra sharp sense of what God's done for me this Christmas. I've felt His strength throughout this year while encountering several trials and I've come to realize how He really IS present with us, always. So "Emmanuel" has a special meaning for me now. "God With Us"...do you realize how rare, how AMAZING that is? The God of the universe sent His only Son to become a man and live on this earth, amidst trials, pain, suffering, evil...everything He hates. And He died to save us, unworthy traitors, from dying in our sins. It would have been more than enough if He only died to save us, but He also made us heirs with Him! And He sent his Spirit to be with us, always. God is so amazing!

Thank you, Lord, for what Christmas means. Thank you for sending your Son to die in my place. Thank you for being with us.

Merry Christmas!

A Smattering of Things...

It's been a busy few days, so this one post will cover several things.

First of all, I went to see "The Lion King" with the Honors and Scholars group from my school on Thursday.

WOW....

I was stunned. By the end of the first song I was shaking with excitement, shock, and joy. I had no idea they could do shows like that on stage! It was completely magical. The actors moved so at one with their puppets that it was easy to believe that they were simply the soul of the animals they portrayed, so full of life and grace. The singing and dancing were magnificent, and the music was fantastic. They handled the scene changes with the finesse only found in professionals, and the lighting was absolutely gorgeous, completing the world created by the designers. I've never seen a show so magical, and I hope I get to see it again someday. ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE.

Tonight we set up our fake tree and decorated it while watching "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe." I'm so glad our tree is set up now, and the movie was even better than I remembered. It's been a long time since I watched that one. And that fact that it snowed tonight as we decorated made it a beautiful picture.

Today I finished one of my term papers, which is a huge weight off of my shoulders. Just one more, then my story (in place of a regular paper for another class), then exams. 8 days until graduation, and then 3 exams to take. It's going to be fine... The paper I finished today was on Christianity in Ancient Rome, just after Christ's ascension through Constantine. I decided to start my paper with some background on who Christ was and why He would have been meaningless to the Roman Empire were it not for the mob demanding His death to Pilate. The charge they finally assigned to him was "King of the Jews," after Jesus finally assented to the title. What struck me while I was researching and writing was the sovereignty of God. Everything was so planned, so exact. Pilate's decision was based on the only thing that sounded like it could POSSIBLY be credible, Jesus' trial was filled with fake witnesses... and everything went according to plan. Everything, right down to exactly the way His body would fail Him so that He would die of a broken heart upon the cross, not asphyxiation like most victims. None of His bones were broken. Prophecy was fulfilled to the letter.

Why? Why would the Son of God leave heaven to come and die for me? For you? As I read the details of His sufferings I was struck afresh with my own utter and complete wickedness and the kindness and love of God. I'm overwhelmed, completely in awe. All I could do was cry and apologize to Him, again, over and over. But every time that happens, no matter how aware I am of my sin, I'm MORE aware of His love and forgiveness.

How kind is God???

No other religion is driven by this love. God calls us to love Him, as HE first loved US. That's incredible! We follow Jesus because we love Him, and He demonstrates His love for us daily, in ways that we may never see until we're with Him in heaven. He really HAS given us abundantly more than we could ask for or imagine. His love is unfathomable, but it's the most real thing in the universe. He loved us before time began, and nothing can take us out of His hand.

I pray that you're given a fresh view of how much God loves you. It's getting close to Christmas, when we celebrate God sending His son down to begin the lowly life that would lead Him to a criminal's death and the wrath of His Father. All to reconcile us to Him and bring glory to His Father. We're so blessed...

Happy Sunday.

To Dad

I went to bed around 3:00 AM, and my Dad was still at work. He's always had to work long hours, because that's show business. It's not unusual for him to work 70-80 hour weeks. When there's a show (or several shows!) coming up, I'm usually the only one who really gets to see him because I'm the only one still awake by the time he gets home. Last night, he was doing freelance work, which means that it wasn't part of his regular job, he was earning extra money.

My Dad inspires me.

He's always worked this hard. He could have made lots of money if he'd chosen to light films in Hollywood. Instead, he followed God's leading into the ministry, where he makes less money and still works twice the amount of hours in a normal work week. He doesn't complain, he just does what needs to be done because "the show must go on."

I so appreciate that.

Show business runs in my family. My great-grandfather, on my Dad's side, was in the very first barbershop quartet, performing on radio shows and having celebrities like Eddie Cantor over for dinner. Dad got into the technical side of things, lighting films and shows with what is clearly a God-given talent. I've learned about lighting, and what precious little I know was very difficult for me to understand. It's second nature to Dad. He loves it. So it makes sense that he always understood my desire to act, and he was my biggest supporter. He and Mom made sure I understood how unreliable and difficult it would be to get into the business, but they always supported me. Now, God's leading me to pursue acting (my dream), opening a door that I thought He had closed. I don't remember when I caught the acting bug, but I've had it ever since I can remember. My first role was Baby Jesus, and then I was in a commercial for CBN at age 3. I do remember that instance, and I remember wanting to have a career in acting even at that young age. My parents always encouraged me.

I'm so grateful that they wanted me to have a career doing something I love, and sacrificed in order to help me pursue that dream. Mom and Dad fully support my being an actress, as well as encourage me to be a published author and history teacher (what a busy life that would be!). All three of those were my areas of study, and none of them are definite money-makers. Most parents don't encourage the acting thing, or anything else that isn't a known, reliable way to make money. That's never been the case in my family. Dad's always cultured me with movies of all kinds and shared his wealth of movie knowledge, and Mom participates/cheerleads. She didn't come from a movie-family, but she loves ours, even if she doesn't always understand us, hahaha.

I love you, Mom and Dad. Thanks for your love and support. I'm so grateful for you.

Thanksgiving

Yes, I know. Thanksgiving isn't until tomorrow. But, since tomorrow will be busy and I was inspired by our pastor's post, I thought I'd post today.

I'm thankful for this year. It's been really tough. Had I known what I was headed for on New Year's Eve, I probably would have begged God to change His mind and felt sure that I could never make it to Thanksgiving. But...here I am. And I'm grateful. I've grown so much this year, and I've made it through lots of things I didn't think I could, by His grace. I'm struck down, but not destroyed, persecuted, not abandoned. Tomorrow, I will be able to enjoy some turkey, a little mashed potatoes, some gluten-free stuffing (we'll see how that turns out...), and a gluten-free pumpkin pie that will form its own crust, of sorts. I can even have some cool whip on it! It's the little things in life, you know? These are things that I never thought I'd be thankful for, or that I'd HAVE to be thankful for, but God's taken me on a surprise trip this year. And it's okay. I won't have to worry about holiday weight gain, and I'll be able to truly understand what it means to be grateful with less. And you know what? I have more than I need. "He is in covenant with us through His Son to never stop doing us good, and showering us with mercy, and overwhelming us with faithful care, and working out all things for our good. God is good and his steadfast love endures forever!" (SGC pastor's blog).

Tomorrow, we're spending Thanksgiving with some family friends that we haven't seen in a while. I'm excited to serve them and catch up on our lives. Thank you, Lord, for my family, for good friends, for food, and for chances to relax and reflect on all you've done for us.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Thankful

I guess, since I now have a blog to keep people posted, it's only fitting that I should update people on the health issues they're praying about. Today's been rough.

For those of you who don't know, I have gastroparesis. That means that my stomach muscles don't pass food along like they should, so food just sits there and, at times, comes back up. So I feel sick all the time, to some degree. My diet has been drastically changed because of this, which I'm getting used to. If I have more than 20 grams of fat per day my system shuts down to take care of it, which gives a whole new meaning to pain. So that's the main problem. I won't get into the others. The next step for me is a feeding tube, but I'm praying against that. I wasn't planning on making this my blog post, but after reading the blog of an acquaintance who's also finding "beauty in ashes," I thought I might as well.

I wanted to write about this tonight because I'm grateful for it. Yes, it's difficult. Honestly, I hate it.

BUT...

I have no regrets. I'm actually getting tearful now, thinking about how amazing God's been through it. It's not easy, but God's never left me. By taking away my physical strength, He's given me His. He's encouraged me, and surrounded me with friends to walk with me and care for me in ways I've never experienced before. I'm so, so grateful. God is SO good. I am clinging to the hope and promise He's given me; one day, He'll dry my tears. One day, I won't be in pain. One day, I'll sit at a banquet in heaven with Him and eat anything, without getting sick, or worrying that I will. I'll be healed.

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified." Isaiah 61:1-3

Amen, Lord. Thank you. If this is how you want to be glorified in me, thank you. I'm honored, and I'm grateful. Help me in my weakness to serve and honor you. Thank you for comforting me, and for your promise to give me beauty for ashes, gladness instead of mourning, and praise instead of a faint spirit. I love you.

Reflections...

This may sound odd coming from a woman who's about to head to grad school, but...is it possible that school makes us over-think things?

I understand analysis when it comes to Theatre. You really do have to break everything down there. But in English it can seem overdone. Today in my English Theory and Criticism class (which, believe me, is even worse than it sounds) we psychoanalyzed a dream written by James Joyce. I understand that psychoanalysis has its uses. I use it on myself quite a lot, actually. But, as a writer, I would hate to have someone a hundred years from now dissect my writing and say I had some sort of problem or opinion that I don't. Isn't it possible that Joyce simply had a weird dream? And no matter what it was, does it really have any bearing on life in 2010? No matter how you look at it, there aren't huge ramifications that could come from it. Joyce died long ago, and so did everyone else of his generation. Society has changed quite a bit. To psychoanalyze his dream would only serve a few, limited areas. That's not really fair to a writer, is it? I, for one, enjoy a good story. That's it. Period. Yes, psychoanalyzing it can be interesting and even insightful, but it's not conclusive, and it can easily do a disservice to the author.

But that's what schools train us to do: over-think things. They intellectualize everything, so they make it sound like they are so advanced mentally that they can never just accept things. Like the Gospel, for example. There's no room for the supernatural in their narrow little minds that they consider so open. They don't really do their research to find out how shallow their arguments are and how the facts really do prove Christianity. Instead, they just "think" and"reason." Taking things as they are is never an option for them. Can Christianity hold up to intellectual arguments? Absolutely. But they don't even take it that far. They are "wise in their own eyes," I suppose. Which is a shame.

But enough of that!

I'm grateful for the truth. I have a heavenly Father who is more real than anything. He created everything and everyone, and He holds it all together.

"For thus says the Lord, who created the heavens (He is God!), who formed the earth and made it (He established it; He did not create it empty, He formed it to be inhabited!): "I am the Lord, and there is no other. I did not speak in secret, in a land of darkness; I did not say to the offspring of Jacob, 'Seek me in vain.' I the Lord speak the truth; I declare what is right. "Assemble yourselves and come; draw near together, you survivors of the nations! They have no knowledge who carry about their wooden idols, and keep on praying to a god that cannot save. Declare and present your case; let them take counsel together! Who told this long ago? Who declared it of old? Was it not I, the Lord? And there is no other god besides me, a righteous God and a Savior; there is none besides me. "Turn to me and be saved, all the ends of the earth! For I am God, and there is no other. By myself I have sworn; from my mouth has gone out in righteousness a word that shall not return: 'To me every knee shall bow, every tongue shall swear allegiance.'" Isaiah 45:18-23

Thank you, Lord, for being a sovereign God who saves!!! Who is the very source of truth, and therefore swears by Himself! He is always right, He is always good, and He is always kind. We serve a loving King.

It's helpful to remember that I'm only in this world, not of it. Someday, I'll be home.

My First Attempt...

Well, here it is. Here I am. After vowing to never create a blog just to talk about life, here I am.

I gave it some serious thought first, of course. This wasn't an easy decision. You see, to me, creating a blog would be saying to the world:

"Here! Listen to me! I'm really important, so you should spend time reading my worthless ramblings!"

And to some extent, I suppose that's true. At least, for most of the world. I hope to do something different with mine, however. Yes, it will be about some random facts of life. There will probably be no rhyme or reason to most of my posts. It will probably be about what affected me that day, or something I've been mulling over. But I would always like the focus to return to Christ. I realized, after viewing several of my friends' blogs, that they could be used to encourage and challenge others. If I can make you stop and reflect every once in a while, then this will be worth it.

And if nothing else, it'll be fun. ;-)