God is so amazing.
I know that's an understatement, and incredibly obvious, but it always bears repeating. Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers, especially those regarding my last post. They've really helped! I know the fears that I expressed were nothing uncommon for someone who's facing a new chapter in their life, but the intensity of them was so acute that I really feel it was an attack by the Enemy. Fortunately, we have a God who knows, hears, and listens. He is our ever present help in time of trouble. Hallelujah!
While I still struggle with having to leave everyone, I am filled with hope and excitement. It's two months to the day to when I'll leave for London, and I can't wait! God (knowing my weaknesses) has shown me His faithfulness in the little things and the big things to such a great extent over the last couple of weeks that it has left me overwhelmed and thrilled at the thought of what's to come. Every time I'm tempted to worry, I'm reminded of His purpose and faithfulness. I can't doubt (at least, not with any sense)!
My team is faithfully praying for me as everything here comes together. Even though I have my certificate of sponsorship, I can't get it (or my visa application) through to the UK Border Agency due to a website glitch. This has gone on for days, and I've sent them several notifications, so we'll see what happens. I'm in faith that it will be resolved in time. In the meantime, I have lots of money left to raise! I'm working a temporary job to help out with this, and holding fundraisers whenever possible.
Trust is a difficult thing for me. But in this wonderful season, God is gently forcing me to wait, pray, and watch for His intervention. The visa will come through. The money will come through. And I am about to embark on a journey that will change me more than I can even imagine. I can't wait. London is truly calling, to the point where I'm antsy with excitement. My heart is there. My future is there. It feels more like home now than Virginia does! I'm so grateful to be called to a place that I love, and to the Arts. I've always wanted to pursue my dreams and passions, but I never thought I'd be able to. Because of this, my future now seems shocking, and I keep waiting for something to go wrong and for me to be disappointed. But that's my typical short-sightedness talking. ;-) I wonder how I'd feel if I'd trusted God with my future earlier, instead of planning on probability? I'm sure there will be many surprises ahead, but God is good always, no matter what happens.
"I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!" ~Psalm 116:1-2
Friday, November 23, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
Prayer Request
Okay friends, I need prayer.
As some of you may know, I'm a very emotional person. ;-) This isn't always a bad thing, I actually consider it a good trait. But all too often it overwhelms me and I end up hurting those closest to me and myself. I don't know how to stop. I've prayed over it for a long time, and I think it's just one of those things I'll have to struggle with, but I know it's going to intensify over the next few months.
I've been blessed with amazing friends and family whom I hold very, very dear to my heart. I'm having a difficult time coming to terms with leaving them. Yes, I'll have things like Skype, e-mail, the occasional phone call if there's a landline I can use, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram...but it's not the same. I feel like most people, even my closest friends and family, won't have time for me in their busy lives. Especially if I don't see or hear from them much now. I feel like it'll be easier for everyone when I leave because then I won't be another complication, I'll be too far away to matter or include. I'll be in the past.
And it's thoughts like that that are causing me so much emotional stress. I can hear the crazy in there, don't worry, lol. I know that's just me talking, and that everyone would tell me otherwise, I'm just used to slipping out of people's lives. I hate that. I feel like the world's small enough now, technologically, that that shouldn't be the case. Surely there's time to "like" or comment on a Facebook post, maybe message to set up a Skype conversation, even with a time difference. Intentionality means more than most people realize, and I guess I won't find out until I get there what things will look like. I'm grateful for all of you, and I don't question this move in the slightest, I'm just struggling with some of the changes that will come with it.
So if you think of me, pray for me. I know this will probably be something I struggle with my whole life, but I'd really rather hear truth in my mind rather than lies. I don't want to assume that people think that way about me. I don't want to leave and feel alone. I realize that this season in my life here is about to close and I'm okay with that, I just don't want to leave you all in my past. I want you in my future, and I hope you want me there too. I also realize that some people are only with each other for a season, but I'd rather not have that season end as painfully as it feels now. Leaving is never easy. It'll be worth it, I know, but I really don't want to be the sobbing mess I am now when I'm on the long flight to London, and then with my new friends.
I want to trust that the friendships I have now won't fade or die. They'll alter I guess, but I would hope they wouldn't even really alter, except for the fact that we can't be together in person. Good on you all for being so amazing that I'm making myself sick over leaving you, lol. If you have any advice, please share it. I know my emotions are taking over and making me neurotic again, and I hate it just as much as you do, so please pray, when you can. I'm trying not to show it in person, but you know what they say, you can never tell what a person's going through just by looking on the outside. I love you all. Thanks for your prayers.
As some of you may know, I'm a very emotional person. ;-) This isn't always a bad thing, I actually consider it a good trait. But all too often it overwhelms me and I end up hurting those closest to me and myself. I don't know how to stop. I've prayed over it for a long time, and I think it's just one of those things I'll have to struggle with, but I know it's going to intensify over the next few months.
I've been blessed with amazing friends and family whom I hold very, very dear to my heart. I'm having a difficult time coming to terms with leaving them. Yes, I'll have things like Skype, e-mail, the occasional phone call if there's a landline I can use, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram...but it's not the same. I feel like most people, even my closest friends and family, won't have time for me in their busy lives. Especially if I don't see or hear from them much now. I feel like it'll be easier for everyone when I leave because then I won't be another complication, I'll be too far away to matter or include. I'll be in the past.
And it's thoughts like that that are causing me so much emotional stress. I can hear the crazy in there, don't worry, lol. I know that's just me talking, and that everyone would tell me otherwise, I'm just used to slipping out of people's lives. I hate that. I feel like the world's small enough now, technologically, that that shouldn't be the case. Surely there's time to "like" or comment on a Facebook post, maybe message to set up a Skype conversation, even with a time difference. Intentionality means more than most people realize, and I guess I won't find out until I get there what things will look like. I'm grateful for all of you, and I don't question this move in the slightest, I'm just struggling with some of the changes that will come with it.
So if you think of me, pray for me. I know this will probably be something I struggle with my whole life, but I'd really rather hear truth in my mind rather than lies. I don't want to assume that people think that way about me. I don't want to leave and feel alone. I realize that this season in my life here is about to close and I'm okay with that, I just don't want to leave you all in my past. I want you in my future, and I hope you want me there too. I also realize that some people are only with each other for a season, but I'd rather not have that season end as painfully as it feels now. Leaving is never easy. It'll be worth it, I know, but I really don't want to be the sobbing mess I am now when I'm on the long flight to London, and then with my new friends.
I want to trust that the friendships I have now won't fade or die. They'll alter I guess, but I would hope they wouldn't even really alter, except for the fact that we can't be together in person. Good on you all for being so amazing that I'm making myself sick over leaving you, lol. If you have any advice, please share it. I know my emotions are taking over and making me neurotic again, and I hate it just as much as you do, so please pray, when you can. I'm trying not to show it in person, but you know what they say, you can never tell what a person's going through just by looking on the outside. I love you all. Thanks for your prayers.
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