Prayer Request

Okay friends, I need prayer.

As some of you may know, I'm a very emotional person. ;-) This isn't always a bad thing, I actually consider it a good trait. But all too often it overwhelms me and I end up hurting those closest to me and myself. I don't know how to stop. I've prayed over it for a long time, and I think it's just one of those things I'll have to struggle with, but I know it's going to intensify over the next few months.

I've been blessed with amazing friends and family whom I hold very, very dear to my heart. I'm having a difficult time coming to terms with leaving them. Yes, I'll have things like Skype, e-mail, the occasional phone call if there's a landline I can use, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram...but it's not the same. I feel like most people, even my closest friends and family, won't have time for me in their busy lives. Especially if I don't see or hear from them much now. I feel like it'll be easier for everyone when I leave because then I won't be another complication, I'll be too far away to matter or include. I'll be in the past.

And it's thoughts like that that are causing me so much emotional stress. I can hear the crazy in there, don't worry, lol. I know that's just me talking, and that everyone would tell me otherwise, I'm just used to slipping out of people's lives. I hate that. I feel like the world's small enough now, technologically, that that shouldn't be the case. Surely there's time to "like" or comment on a Facebook post, maybe message to set up a Skype conversation, even with a time difference. Intentionality means more than most people realize, and I guess I won't find out until I get there what things will look like. I'm grateful for all of you, and I don't question this move in the slightest, I'm just struggling with some of the changes that will come with it.

So if you think of me, pray for me. I know this will probably be something I struggle with my whole life, but I'd really rather hear truth in my mind rather than lies. I don't want to assume that people think that way about me. I don't want to leave and feel alone. I realize that this season in my life here is about to close and I'm okay with that, I just don't want to leave you all in my past. I want you in my future, and I hope you want me there too. I also realize that some people are only with each other for a season, but I'd rather not have that season end as painfully as it feels now. Leaving is never easy. It'll be worth it, I know, but I really don't want to be the sobbing mess I am now when I'm on the long flight to London, and then with my new friends.

I want to trust that the friendships I have now won't fade or die. They'll alter I guess, but I would hope they wouldn't even really alter, except for the fact that we can't be together in person. Good on you all for being so amazing that I'm making myself sick over leaving you, lol. If you have any advice, please share it. I know my emotions are taking over and making me neurotic again, and I hate it just as much as you do, so please pray, when you can. I'm trying not to show it in person, but you know what they say, you can never tell what a person's going through just by looking on the outside. I love you all. Thanks for your prayers.